talkingaboutcancer.com

It’s that time between Christmas and New Years when there seems to be lots of parties and get-togethers and, often, a lot of stress. For people with cancer, it can be a difficult time because their cancer can take some of the fun out of the holidays. You may be undergoing treatment, or worse, wondering how many Christmases you have in your future (and that could just be fear talking). Cancer can become a topic of conversation around the dinner table or over drinks. Just mentioning that you have or had cancer can spark a listing of everyone that has ever had cancer of any type, who died, what treatments they had. Probably not the most uplifting holiday fare.

It can be the same for our loved ones as well, who are saddened by our situation. And for everyone who has lost someone to cancer and misses them at this special time of year.

What to do? Enjoy the days. Whatever your beliefs, it is a time to relax and be with people you love and who care for you. Revel in it and enjoy each day as it comes. Remember those we have lost with fondness for all that they have given us in their time and strive to create your own good memories that will carry you through the potentially bad days to come and that can last in the hearts of your loved ones forever. That’s what I’m doing.

Happy holidays to all and the very best in the new year!

Posted by Doug

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A cancer diagnosis and the treatment regime can take a huge chunk out of your life, but can also be a profoundly life-changing experience.  It was certainly both of these for me and for many, many cancer survivors who I have spoken with.  But from time to time, I run into someone who says something like, “I’m just going to have the treatment and then move on - get on with my life - get back to normal.”  In some cases I think it could be denial, or maybe they just don’t realize how it will impact them but, sometimes, I wonder if some people really have the ability to just push it back and move on, unchanged in any profound way.  Or maybe they really believe they can, but it hangs there, festering under the surface until it erupts in some way.

It’s rare for cancer to be really “over”.  There’s the possibility or the fear of recurrence; there may be ongoing side effects or permanent scars - physical or emotional.  At the very least, you have been through a “life event”, a medical crisis, a fear-evoking trauma that changes most people.

Can you really just pack it away?  And I wonder if I should be jealous of someone who can just put it behind them (if that’s true).   What do you think?

Posted by Doug

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Reading Lori Hope’s book ( see previous post) really highlighted for me how awkward it is when the subject of cancer comes up.  It’s one thing to talk about other people, but when it’s you or the person you are talking to who has cancer, it’s a whole different ball game.  When I was first diagnosed, I eventually told a lot of people and I was amazed at the variety of responses.  Some friends who I thought would be very empathetic and supportive were very uncomfortable talking about it while some casual acquaintances were amazingly warm and, well…. energizing.

I don’t really know what I expected, but I learned first hand what an uncomfortable thing cancer was.  It really is the elephant in the room.  If you have cancer, it is always on your mind, but I think other people don’t even want to talk about it.  Sure, friends and family want to know how you are and want to be supportive but, let’s face it, its not a happy topic.  Sometimes we don’t want to talk about it at all, but sometimes we just want the people we care for to acknowledge our pain.

So what do you say to someone you know who has cancer?  I’m sorry…..? You look good……? How are you feeling….?  If you have cancer, what do you want to hear from your friends.  Let’s hear your thoughts.

 Posted by Doug

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