talkingaboutcancer.com

People (friends, professionals) are always telling me to “live in the moment” or “live every day to the fullest”. But what does that mean? It could mean … take it easy, relax, enjoy the day. Or it could mean … do something exciting, exhilarating (climb a mountain, scuba dive the Barrier Reef). I think the truth is that it means something different to each person. It also probably depends on how much time you think you have left. Most people have the luxury of not having to contemplate their death so they live their lives as if they will live forever. That’s normal, and there has been a lot written about how mankind buries the idea of mortality in order to live their lives without the fear of death.

Well, that is not the case for people diagnosed with cancer. One of the most profound and disturbing impacts of having cancer is that we are forced to face our own mortality. And once you realize that you can die (possibly much sooner than you thought), you need to face the question of what to do with the time you have left. I’ve just started reading Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture (having seen it on YouTube and on Oprah). Randy, in his late 40’s is dying of pancreatic cancer and chose to spend his last days spending as much time with his family as possible and in delivering his last lecture on realizing dreams. He has done an admirable job of leaving an incredible legacy for his young children and in teaching an important lesson to the rest of us. I must admit that I feel quite emotional reading his story because, while I’m not in the same boat (with months to live), I can certainly relate.

I find that each day is much more important to me now that I’m living with cancer. While I would prefer to have all my time available to spend with my family and doing the things that I love, I can’t really do that. I need to work because I have a responsibility to ensure my family (my wife especially) can live comfortably if I’m not around. But it also gives me a sense of dignity to be able to continue working and doing a good job. My dear wife thinks I am obsessive (like my mother) because I’m always doing something, but I just feel that things need to be done and I need to be doing them. Does that make sense? Who knows? It’s just the way I am and I know that I’m like that partially because I don’t want to leave things undone. But, if I’m honest with myself, it may be partly because I just don’t know what else to do.

What do you do with the rest of your life? Maybe it doesn’t really matter as long as you are doing something you find productive and comfortable. Maybe living in the moment is just living.

Posted by Doug

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So Henry is Doug. You have seen several posts under the name “Henry” (which is my middle name) talking about a recurrence of my cancer and my treatment with salvage radiation therapy. I haven’t been posting as much as I would have liked because I was focused on finishing my treatment and also on updating my soon-to-be-published book. Recurrence can add a whole new dimension to the cancer journey, to say the least.

What is most telling, though, is that I felt the need to mask my identity. I am a professional with a job, a family to support and responsibilities. Coping with cancer on top of all of this is hard enough, but I was frankly worried about how a recurrence could impact my career now and in the future. It is unfortunately true that many people, upon hearing that you have cancer, automatically think of you as sick and dying. Yes, it can impact your work while you are being treated and while you are dealing with the emotional shock of a diagnosis but, for the vast majority of us, we can very quickly get back to work. We may have to do it part-time for awhile, particularly if our jobs are physical, but we can still work.

The cancer survivors that I know are some of the strongest people I have ever met. If you can handle a major life crisis like cancer and survive, I would argue that you can handle just about anything. That’s certainly how I feel about myself and how I think about anyone with cancer. I wish everyone thought that.

In my case, both with my initial diagnosis and also with my recent recurrence, I have been pleasantly surprised at the response. Telling people at work hasn’t hurt me at all and I am infinitely thankful for the support I have received. I wish everyone was so understanding.

I am a survivor and I am strong.

Posted by Doug

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