talkingaboutcancer.com

So Henry is Doug. You have seen several posts under the name “Henry” (which is my middle name) talking about a recurrence of my cancer and my treatment with salvage radiation therapy. I haven’t been posting as much as I would have liked because I was focused on finishing my treatment and also on updating my soon-to-be-published book. Recurrence can add a whole new dimension to the cancer journey, to say the least.

What is most telling, though, is that I felt the need to mask my identity. I am a professional with a job, a family to support and responsibilities. Coping with cancer on top of all of this is hard enough, but I was frankly worried about how a recurrence could impact my career now and in the future. It is unfortunately true that many people, upon hearing that you have cancer, automatically think of you as sick and dying. Yes, it can impact your work while you are being treated and while you are dealing with the emotional shock of a diagnosis but, for the vast majority of us, we can very quickly get back to work. We may have to do it part-time for awhile, particularly if our jobs are physical, but we can still work.

The cancer survivors that I know are some of the strongest people I have ever met. If you can handle a major life crisis like cancer and survive, I would argue that you can handle just about anything. That’s certainly how I feel about myself and how I think about anyone with cancer. I wish everyone thought that.

In my case, both with my initial diagnosis and also with my recent recurrence, I have been pleasantly surprised at the response. Telling people at work hasn’t hurt me at all and I am infinitely thankful for the support I have received. I wish everyone was so understanding.

I am a survivor and I am strong.

Posted by Doug

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When we are stricken with cancer, depending on which cancer, its stage, etc., we are faced with many choices. Choices of doctor, choices of treatment, choices to get second (or third or fourth) opinions. They are all terribly important choices that we have to make at a time when our lives have been turned upside down, and each of us will approach these choices in a way that is uniquely us. Many people are very analytical and will vacuum up as much information as possible in order to make the “right” choice. Others feel much more comfortable putting their faith in their doctor(s) because they don’t feel qualified to make some of these choices on their own. I think others may just get dragged along, hoping for the best.

Cancer is a game of numbers. Treatment options are based on statistical, historical studies of large numbers of people. If you happen to fall neatly into certain categories it may seem obvious which way to go, but we are all unique and no one can predict with certainty what will happen to us based on our choices. But we have to make them, because not choosing (or choosing to do nothing) is, more often than not, a death sentence. So we choose our doctors, we choose between radiation and surgery and chemo. Sometimes we choose when to start. And then we throw ourselves at the mercy of those who know what they are doing and who have our best interests at heart.

It is very, very important that we never second guess these choices. While you may be able to stop a course of therapy, there is really no way to reverse or go back. And since we cannot predict the future with any degree of certainty, we certainly can’t answer the “what if” questions. What if I had radiation instead of surgery? What if I had opted for high-dose chemo? What if I had insisted on adjunctive therapies? Maybe you have choices going forward, but you can’t undo the choices you have made.

So make your choices with the best information you can, with the strongest intent you can muster, and put your faith in those you trust. Its the best you can do. Never look back or second guess those decisions and choices. There is nothing you can do about it and it will tear you apart. You have enough to deal with without blaming yourself for “wrong” decisions. And if your original choices don’t work and the cancer recurs or spreads…… well, you did your best, and now you need to make new choices. Take what you have learned and move forward.

Posted by Doug

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August 16th is a milestone for me. It marks my birthday, which is an important date for everyone, but I don’t really consider it a milestone for that reason. It was 7 years ago on that date that I had the last of a series of 33 radiation treatments to my right chest wall. As my oncologist carefully explained to me towards the end of those treatments, for my kind of cancer, I will never hear the words, “You’re cured”. The risk of my cancer returning remains for the rest of my life. Granted, the longer I am cancer-free, the lower my risk, but the risk will always be there.

So every year as I approach my birthday, I get increasingly anxious. I get grumpy, don’t sleep well and become withdrawn. Recently, I had a car accident (not serious, thankfully) because I was so self-absorbed. But doesn’t every birthday mark the great life that I have and the amazing fact that I’m still alive? Shouldn’t I be grateful and ecstatic every year?

I have other milestones, such as my cancer diagnosis date and the time for my next annual check-up, that dredge up similar feelings. What are your milestones, how do you feel around that time and what are your coping strategies?

Let’s talk.

Posted by Ruth

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