Holding On
Apr 21st 2008PostmasterCoping & Fear & Recurrence
Today I gave blood. Not for any altruistic reasons (I don’t think they would accept my blood any more) but in preparation for my 3 month, post-radiation PSA check. It’s been quite a wait and next week I get the results. If my PSA is unchanged or higher than before my treatments, then I guess they didn’t work and I went through it all for nothing. If it’s back to “undetectable” then the treatment worked and I could be cured or their still could be microscopic cancer cells elsewhere in my body that could flare up later. I won’t know until they do or don’t.
I have been coping with the wait by working hard…..keeping busy, knowing that my subconscious mind was chewing on the “what if’s”. It’s been okay, really. Most of the shock of recurrence and the fear of the possibilities assaulted my peace and self-confidence when I was re-diagnosed. I haven’t really accepted it, but I have learned to live with it (I think). I’ll know better how I have really handled it after my appointment next week. But after doing all that I could to learn my options and take action, there really isn’t anything else I can do. It becomes all about coping and adapting…. learning to live with cancer. At times I feel it has made me stronger and at times I wonder if I am strong enough.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Doug
This was a different New Year’s Eve for me as I had my 13th of 33 Salvage Radiation treatments to ring out the old year and hopefully my recurrence. Thankfully, I had Christmas Day and Boxing Day off which gave me a little break. It’s still early in the treatment, but I’m feeling some side effects (manageable) and just want to get it over with.
When we are stricken with cancer, depending on which cancer, its stage, etc., we are faced with many choices. Choices of doctor, choices of treatment, choices to get second (or third or fourth) opinions. They are all terribly important choices that we have to make at a time when our lives have been turned upside down, and each of us will approach these choices in a way that is uniquely us. Many people are very analytical and will vacuum up as much information as possible in order to make the “right” choice. Others feel much more comfortable putting their faith in their doctor(s) because they don’t feel qualified to make some of these choices on their own. I think others may just get dragged along, hoping for the best.