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People (friends, professionals) are always telling me to “live in the moment” or “live every day to the fullest”. But what does that mean? It could mean … take it easy, relax, enjoy the day. Or it could mean … do something exciting, exhilarating (climb a mountain, scuba dive the Barrier Reef). I think the truth is that it means something different to each person. It also probably depends on how much time you think you have left. Most people have the luxury of not having to contemplate their death so they live their lives as if they will live forever. That’s normal, and there has been a lot written about how mankind buries the idea of mortality in order to live their lives without the fear of death.

Well, that is not the case for people diagnosed with cancer. One of the most profound and disturbing impacts of having cancer is that we are forced to face our own mortality. And once you realize that you can die (possibly much sooner than you thought), you need to face the question of what to do with the time you have left. I’ve just started reading Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture (having seen it on YouTube and on Oprah). Randy, in his late 40’s is dying of pancreatic cancer and chose to spend his last days spending as much time with his family as possible and in delivering his last lecture on realizing dreams. He has done an admirable job of leaving an incredible legacy for his young children and in teaching an important lesson to the rest of us. I must admit that I feel quite emotional reading his story because, while I’m not in the same boat (with months to live), I can certainly relate.

I find that each day is much more important to me now that I’m living with cancer. While I would prefer to have all my time available to spend with my family and doing the things that I love, I can’t really do that. I need to work because I have a responsibility to ensure my family (my wife especially) can live comfortably if I’m not around. But it also gives me a sense of dignity to be able to continue working and doing a good job. My dear wife thinks I am obsessive (like my mother) because I’m always doing something, but I just feel that things need to be done and I need to be doing them. Does that make sense? Who knows? It’s just the way I am and I know that I’m like that partially because I don’t want to leave things undone. But, if I’m honest with myself, it may be partly because I just don’t know what else to do.

What do you do with the rest of your life? Maybe it doesn’t really matter as long as you are doing something you find productive and comfortable. Maybe living in the moment is just living.

Posted by Doug

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I got a new puppy yesterday! It has brought an immeasurable amount of joy into our house. We have always had one or two dogs who have truly been part of the family. This puppy makes two again, so we have our hands full.

We got our older dog about three and a half years ago. At the time, about a year after my diagnosis and treatment, I felt that I needed a “therapy dog”. The idea was that a dog would give me something to focus on that was totally stress free.  And it worked!  Since my cancer, I have been working hard to live life to the fullest and, while it is a journey, I am making progress. But it does takes work and the stresses of day-to-day living, my career, and the always-there fear of recurrence can take their toll. Often, down-time is hard to find, especially for Type A personalities who always have to be doing something (like blogging). It’s a well-known phenomenon that pets have a calming effect on their owners so that alone is a good thing for stressed-out cancer survivors, but the other thing is that pets (if you love them) require a lot of attention and that takes your attention away from everything else.  Taking them for walks, feeding them, grooming them or just playing with them allows you to focus on nothing but them.  No matter what I’m doing, if it’s with a dog, I’m not thinking about work or cancer, or anything else.  I just feel good.  And if I’m feeling down, cuddling with my dog makes everything seem wonderful.

When I die, I want to come back as a dog in a loving home.

Posted by Doug (dedicated to Maggie)

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It’s that time between Christmas and New Years when there seems to be lots of parties and get-togethers and, often, a lot of stress. For people with cancer, it can be a difficult time because their cancer can take some of the fun out of the holidays. You may be undergoing treatment, or worse, wondering how many Christmases you have in your future (and that could just be fear talking). Cancer can become a topic of conversation around the dinner table or over drinks. Just mentioning that you have or had cancer can spark a listing of everyone that has ever had cancer of any type, who died, what treatments they had. Probably not the most uplifting holiday fare.

It can be the same for our loved ones as well, who are saddened by our situation. And for everyone who has lost someone to cancer and misses them at this special time of year.

What to do? Enjoy the days. Whatever your beliefs, it is a time to relax and be with people you love and who care for you. Revel in it and enjoy each day as it comes. Remember those we have lost with fondness for all that they have given us in their time and strive to create your own good memories that will carry you through the potentially bad days to come and that can last in the hearts of your loved ones forever. That’s what I’m doing.

Happy holidays to all and the very best in the new year!

Posted by Doug

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