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I’m just about finished my “salvage” radiation treatment for a recurrence of prostate cancer, 5 years after my initial diagnosis and treatment for surgery. I’ve had 32 treatments and I’m getting really, really tired of the whole thing. I lay on the table watching the machine go around me and hear if firing off 60 times from different angles and I wonder, “What the hell am I doing here?” And I have to confess that I keep asking, “Why me?” I’ve asked myself that many times over these past 5 years but it seems less fair this time around. It was bad enough to get cancer, but to have it come back and possibly stay is worse.

I think asking, “Why me?” is normal and I know there is really no answer to that question, but it’s there. What makes it worse is that I have to deal with all the emotional stuff while I’m experiencing significant fatigue and all sorts of bowel and bladder problems from the treatments. Sometimes I feel like crying because it all seems too much, especially when I’m trying to concentrate on doing something else.

Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

But who ever said that life is fair?

Posted by Doug

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This was a different New Year’s Eve for me as I had my 13th of 33 Salvage Radiation treatments to ring out the old year and hopefully my recurrence. Thankfully, I had Christmas Day and Boxing Day off which gave me a little break. It’s still early in the treatment, but I’m feeling some side effects (manageable) and just want to get it over with.

While there is uncertainty for me in this new year coming, I look forward with optimism and hope, knowing in my heart that I am doing all that I can, that I am doing the right things, and that I am getting the best treatment available.

I wish everyone a very healthy, happy and hopeful New Year.

Posted by Doug

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Today, I met with the radiation oncologist to talk about “salvage” radiation therapy (hate that expression) to try to kill the cancer that has recurred in my prostate bed. Odds are that this is where it is, but I don’t know for sure. Either do they. So they’ll just fire the particle accelerator at me and hope they get it all. It’s a lot more refined than that, but the outcome is the same - I’ll only know for sure if my PSA goes down and doesn’t go up. I’ll be starting in a couple of weeks for 33 consecutive days.

I kind of knew this was coming but it all seems so much more real now. I’m stressed to the max just cuz it was such an intense day. The shock of a recurrence is one thing, and I’m feeling good that I’m doing something about it, but now I feel like I’m really living with cancer, or at least starting too. I think it’s going to be a long haul and I don’t know whether time will make it easier or whether it will accumulate. I guess we’ll see. I need to make time to absorb it all and to adapt. I really should be doing things like yoga and meditation and would welcome any other ideas or advice.

Posted by Doug

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I’m a 56 (closing in on 57 ) year-old guy. I went for my prostate cancer surgery yesterday at Oakville-Trafalgar Hospital..Thursday, October 25th…..opening day of the World Series. I arrived at the hospital fully prepared in terms of prep ( antibiotics, enema, Cialis etc.) at 6:30am with the operation scheduled for 8:00am. Getting ready, the anesthesiologist detected a concern in the x-rays. My urologist showed up and led me downstairs for a CT Scan which revealed that my thyroid is enlarged and pressing against the trachea. By approx. 11:00am it was determined that the surgery
would have to be canceled until I have the thyroid situation dealt with. They were worried that my airway might be at risk in the operation. While getting the CT Scan I was shaking a little either because I was getting scared or it was cold or both. Overall, while I was disappointed that the surgery didn’t take place ( to ‘get it over with’) I was pleased that they were able to catch the thyroid issue.

I checked out and went with my son and future daughter-in-law to Wholefoods and, having not eaten since Tuesday evening, devoured a great salmon sandwich with plenty of liquids to flush all the drugs and dye swimming around in my body.

I awoke the next day after an amazing non-stop sleep of about 7 hours…..normally I’m up 1-2 times through the night. So now I am regrouping and getting ready for the next phase of this adventure. I have a good throat/neck surgeon on board and I am just waiting to hear about a date for the thyroid surgery so I can re-set the prostate one.

I am on a medical leave from teaching high school so I am keeping busy just keeping the proverbial house in order. Now I face another challenge but I’m ready to face it. I’m just worried that the longer it takes the prostate issue certainly does not go away or presumably get better regardless of selenium
dosages. I’m confident and active - I’m working out every day ( hiking, stretching, biking, curling).
Having the surgery cancelled means more time with friends to celebrate life.

Stay tuned………

Posted by Mike

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