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Irwin Barker passed away on June 21, 2010, three years after the doctors gave him one year to live.  I mentioned Irwin in my last blog.  I had met Irwin and his wonderful wife Joanna only once and we exchanged a number of emails in an attempt to get the four of us together for dinner.  Unfortunately, due to his hospitalization, my surgery and his travels, we were unable to do that.  And while I regret that we didn’t have the time to get to know each other better, he nonetheless had a profound impact on me.

There are so many cancer stories out there, because every one is different yet we all experience many of the same emotions and situations.  Throughout my own cancer journey, I have benefited greatly from hearing these stories and that is why I use my own story and others to illustrate the profound emotional impact of cancer on all those who have to deal with it.  Irwin’s story is important for a number of reasons.  First of all, he survived much longer than the doctors’ told him he would, which is a testament to the strength of his character, the support of his family and friends, and the wonderful attitude he had towards life.  It is a lesson to all of us not to take our doctor’s prognosis as fact.  It is, after all, based on the average experience of others and those others aren’t us.  For everyone fighting cancer, particularly if it is terminal, there is hope in Irwin’s story and the stories of so many others who have beaten the odds, often for many, many years.

Perhaps as important is the lessen that Irwin taught me, even though we didn’t know each other that well.  As a successful stand up comedian and comedy writer, humour was a huge part of Irwin’s life and he used humour to help him deal with a diagnosis that would cripple many of us.  Since I met him, I have kept this in mind and try to find the humour in the many things that life brings me.  It’s not always easy and not always obvious, but it’s there if you look.  I highly recommend this to anyone dealing with cancer or any other crappy curve that life throws you.

When we met, he was interested in my book. I gave him a copy and hope he had the time to read it and that he found something in it that helped him.  He wanted to write a book himself about using humour to deal with cancer, which would have been a wonderful gift.  I hope that he was able to get some of his thoughts down and that Joanna finds a way to share it with the world.

You can find out more about Irwin on his website at iriwnbarker.com.  I found a YouTube recording of a radio spot from the day he passed which contained a clip from one of his stand up routines and a chat with one of his close friends who talked about his family and friends being wit him in the hospital over his last few days.  It was sad, funny and poignant and touched me personally in a number of ways.

Irwin, thank you for all you’ve given to the world.  Wherever you are, keep on laughing!

Posted by Doug

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As a young woman I watch Charley’s Angels religiously.  I loved all the women in it and the fact that they were shown as strong women at the time was wonderful to see.  I thought Farrah Fawcett was so beautiful…as did millions of others.  The beauty I saw then was on the outside, but when I watched the Farrah Fawcett Story her true inner beauty came out.  I’m sure its not easy in Hollywood to come out and say, hey I have cancer, and by the way, its anal cancer…my heart went out to her and her family through her long and tough journey with cancer.  Farrah showed both strength and softness throughout her entire journey.  She was so blessed to have her friend Alana Stewart and her family to share the journey with her.  Sometimes I hear people talk about someone with cancer in a hushed tone and say they feel “sorry” for them.  Farrah showed that she had a full life in spite of her cancer and I felt she wouldn’t want anyone feeling sorry for her.  I felt she experienced some of the worst times of her life and some of the best times of her life.  I applaud her for sharing her difficult journey and giving an awareness to all about anal cancer.  Her death in June of 2009 was a sad loss.

I also grew up watching Patrick Swayze develop as an actor. He was a wonderful actor and from the sounds of it also a truly wonderful husband.  He was another actor that was very handsome.  I loved him in Ghost…who didn’t.  When he passed away in September of 2009 it was also a sad loss.  My heart goes out to his wonderful wife and I thank them both for their openness about their journey and the fact that he never gave up.

Sharing your life with the masses is not easy, I’m sure.  The gift of awareness that they both gave about their kinds of cancer is priceless.  My wish to them now it that they are at peace and where they want to be.  I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Posted by Dianne

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So many friends, relatives, work mates and loved ones are afflicted with cancer that it is hard to imagine that anyone over the age of twenty would not have had someone they know who survived or has died.  For those who have lost someone, there is a hole in our hearts and the memories we cherish.  There may also be sad memories of how the cancer ravaged their bodies and their minds in the late stages of their disease.

We hope that the departed are in some place better.  We are left with our memories and our wondering of what might have been.  And we are left more sensitive and more fearful to what cancer means and we can get much more personally familiar with it.  Not necessarily what we want.

People support us, lift our spirits and help to define our own lives to some extent.  The death of someone who you know can force you to question your own immortality, which can be good or bad depending on the individual.

But friends and loved ones who die can also inspire us and their memories can comfort us.  The memories of my father do that for me.

Who do you remember and do you handle it?

Let’s talk……..

Posted by Doug

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A couple of weeks ago, a friend of my wife finally succumbed to cancer. She had lymphoma and, while everyone thought she had been doing well, she suddenly deteriorated and died. She was a few years younger than Dianne and I with a husband and children and she should have had many more years with them. But it was not to be. It was interesting how this affected us.

Dianne attended the visitation with several of the “girls” who had known this lady. She was sad at her passing, but it struck a much deeper cord because of her worry over my recurrence and what that could mean. It personalized it much more than her other friends realized and she came home under a dark cloud that held on for several days. I had thought of going with her that night, partly for support , but also as a sign of respect for the bravery of a fellow cancer patient, a short-term survivor but a survivor nonetheless. Dianne told me to stay home that night and I’m sorry to say that I am glad I did. Apparently, the family had chosen to have an open casket and the poor woman… well… she looked like she had died of cancer. It was an honorable thing for the family to do but it was harder for Dianne to see her that way because it vividly displayed the physical tole that cancer can have. And I’m sure that, in her mind’s eye, she could see me at some future date.

I’m glad I wasn’t there, and I’m sorry to say that. While I’m doing pretty well with my own situation, I think it would have brought back a lot of feelings that I have managed to get past. It might have scared me. As strong as I am, there is always fear and I don’t want to die before my time.

Rest in peace, Gail.

Posted by Doug

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I personally was not diagnosed with cancer, but I am a victim of this horrible disease. Too many of my relatives, including my husband, sister, and sister-in law have been hit with cancer. As a small child, both of my grandfathers died from cancer. One had lung cancer that spread to his bones, the other had leukemia. At the time, I didn’t quite understand what “cancer” was or meant. Whenever my parents or anyone else spoke of “cancer” it was with hushed tones…why? I just knew I didn’t want it.

As the years passed, and cancer didn’t impact on my family or friends, life was good. Cancer didn’t seem quite as scary for a while.

Then, in the fall of 1996 my sister was diagnosed with what we thought was lung cancer. She called me to tell me something was off about her tests and further investigation was required. The biopsy she had showed that she had cancer and required the removal of part of her lung. She was pretty scared. We were all very hopeful, but then got the news that the cancer was actually melanoma that had metastasized. Our world was about to change in a very big way. My wonderful husband arranged for our family to move back to Toronto, where my sister lived, and rented the house next door to her. This enabled me to go back and forth with ease to help her and her family. You have to understand how I felt about her…she was really like a Mom to me…I couldn’t lose her…we were going to grow old together. In Sept of 1997 she lost her battle with cancer. Everything has changed now that she is gone. The impact of losing her affected many people. She was a truly loved and remarkable woman. She was the core that held our side of the family together and now that is gone. I miss her so much and not a day goes by that she isn’t in my thoughts. Cancer changes families. It’s like a hurricane that lands with mass destruction and takes away whatever it wants. This Sept is the 10th anniversary of her passing…it doesn’t feel that long. Life does go on. Her husband remarried. Her children married and now have their own children. She would have been a great grandmother. My sister lives on in all of our hearts.

Since then, my sister-in-law and my husband have been diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, they are still with me and I never take for granted the time we have together. My fear in life is that if I should ever get cancer, will there be someone there to take care of me?

Posted by Dianne (guest post)

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