talkingaboutcancer.com

A cancer diagnosis and the treatment regime can take a huge chunk out of your life, but can also be a profoundly life-changing experience.  It was certainly both of these for me and for many, many cancer survivors who I have spoken with.  But from time to time, I run into someone who says something like, “I’m just going to have the treatment and then move on - get on with my life - get back to normal.”  In some cases I think it could be denial, or maybe they just don’t realize how it will impact them but, sometimes, I wonder if some people really have the ability to just push it back and move on, unchanged in any profound way.  Or maybe they really believe they can, but it hangs there, festering under the surface until it erupts in some way.

It’s rare for cancer to be really “over”.  There’s the possibility or the fear of recurrence; there may be ongoing side effects or permanent scars - physical or emotional.  At the very least, you have been through a “life event”, a medical crisis, a fear-evoking trauma that changes most people.

Can you really just pack it away?  And I wonder if I should be jealous of someone who can just put it behind them (if that’s true).   What do you think?

Posted by Doug

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Pushing the edge reminds me of how I felt at the end of my long ordeal on chemotherapy. I had no hair, few white blood cells, very low iron stores and one less boob. I was at the edge of life. I don’t think that my body would have tolerated another bout of chemo. There had already been numerous treatment complications such as fevers with low blood counts and various infections that could have done me in.But a year later I had hair, lots of white blood cells and plenty of iron. My color returned to normal and I had my energy back full force. I was absolutely amazed at my body’s ability to recuperate from such harsh treatment.

Since my cancer diagnosis, I have taken up running. I’ve given up my couch potato lifestyle and joined those crazy runners/joggers that you see pounding the pavement in all kinds of weather. I’m in my runners 3-4 times each and every week.

I have rarely had the enthusiasm for anything “sport-like” so I am frankly surprised that I have been so persistent in this activity. I was a fat kid and pretty clumsy. But I have been pushing the edge of my abilities since I began 3 years ago.

It occurred to me today that I push myself to run longer and faster just so I can see what else this old body can amaze me with. Another part of me runs because it feels so good to do it. And if I’m really honest with myself, I bet I’m really trying to run away from the demon that lives inside me that is called recurrence.

How do you try to push the edge? What are you running away from?

Let’s talk.

Posted by Ruth

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