Life in Perspective
Jan 17th 2010PostmasterLife and Death
Life can be such a fleeting thing. When you have a terminal or incurable disease, life and death are always on your mind, sometimes in the forefront and sometimes lying in waiting ….never completely gone. The uncertainty of how and when is haunting and everyone deals with it differently. It is on my mind all the time now but I feel infinitely blessed to have time to plan, to live and to love.
Last Wednesday, I was hit head-on by another driver who simply drifted into my lane on a little used industrial side street. My car was totaled and I ended up strapped to a board in the back of an ambulance. With the overcrowding in hospitals these days, I spent quite a while on that board and had time to think …. time to think about how I could have been killed. Here I am, every day, worrying about how many years I have left, and I could have lost it all in a split second of random carelessness by a stranger. Cancer patients often hear the expression, “Hey, we’re all going to die sometime. I could get hit by a car tomorrow!”. I hate hearing this even though it is well-intentioned. It trivializes the fact that I know that car (the one with my name on it) is just around the corner and it’s going to be more than a fender-bender. But you can see the irony in all of this. I consider myself very lucky.
Having said that, I now have to deal with more pain, more medications, and a lot more stress that I could definitely do without. And the time I now have to spend dealing with the aftermath comes out of my shortened balance of life. Having cancer or getting hit head-on are both highly traumatic events. Having both is just not fair. The other driver was not injured in any way and has been charged, but he has no way of knowing (unless he Googles my name) the impact he has had on me beyond needing a new car. On the off chance he does Google me and finds this post, I say, “Thanks a lot, buddy. My own body wants to kill me and it doesn’t need any help from you.”
I just want to find some normalcy in my life for even just a couple of months. A nice long stretch where I don’t have to worry about new tests, bad results, or more uncertainty. But I suppose it isn’t meant to be. I got hit by a car…. but I dodged the bullet! I’m still here and I still have time to live and to love.
Keep your eyes on the road!
Posted by Doug
2 Comments »
Kirsten on 18 Jan 2010 at 1:49 pm #
What a horrible thing to have happen. I hope your healing goes well from the accident goes well. Loved how you ended this post – I’m still here and I still have time to live and love.
Jenny Cockfram on 18 Jan 2010 at 9:32 pm #
Dear Doug:
I was so sorry to read this. We too shut down over Christmas and I haven’t been on your blog for quite a while, so have not been up to date.
Thank you so much for including us in your book launch. It was a priviledge to meet Diane and your other family and friends. I so enjoyed the book. Bob has just started it now. I truly thought I was reading my daily e-mails sent to friends and family while my Bob was in hospital. The experiences are so similar it was a bit scary.
Bob too had a car accident just around Christmas. A piece of concrete flew off of a passing truck and hit the front of his car. No injuries thank goodness (what is it with you guys that you attract these things .. sorry couldn’t resist this) Bob was fine but the car was in bad shape. The good news for us though is it was salvagable and he got it back New Years Eve.
It’s hard to know what to write when we read bad news about your cancer progressing. I do keep you in our prayers though and I guess that’s all we can do. And I wish apon a star when they are out that there will be a cure for this insidious disease. It has taken far too many of our friends.
Take care
Jenny & Bob Cockram