talkingaboutcancer.com

Every so often (too often lately), I am overwhelmed by the exhaustion, pain and general discomfort brought on by my treatments.  I hate to complain and, whenever I tell someone how I’m doing, I feel like I’m being whiny.  But sometimes I just …. well …. feel sorry for myself.  For the most part, I only verbalize this from the safety of my home where my dear wife is the only witness to my vulnerability.  She tells me that it’s okay to express myself because she really wants to know how I’m feeling and insists that home should be my “safe place” where I can let down my guard.  Whenever I say, “I’m feeling sorry for myself,” she says, “You’re allowed to.”  And while I hate to admit it, I’ve come to realize that she is right.  As uncomfortable as it is to feel that way and be told it’s okay, I think it is very good advice for anyone having to deal with all the crap that cancer (or any other serious disease) throws your way.

The other thing that I struggle with is the feeling of uselessness or inadequacy that comes with not being able to do things.  For someone like me who has always prided himself on being the “man of the house”, I hate it when I can’t do the more physically demanding activities that are necessary when you have your own home.  I really do feel useless at times and feel that I am letting my wife down because she has to pick up the slack.  But what does she say?  “You are not useless.  It’s okay that you can’t do everything you used to.  You’ve got cancer, damn it!”

She’s right.  She’s always right.  It’s good advice.

Posted by Doug

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