My Journey as a Caregiver – Part 2
Mar 4th 2009PostmasterCaregivers & Family
Hi there. it’s Dianne again. It is Wed. March 4, 2009. I met Doug on March 8, 1976 when he came in to Hydro (where I used to work) for a summer interview…he still had one year left until he graduated. I had just returned to Canada from a wonderful sun-filled trip down south with my Mom and it was my first day back at work. My boss was too busy to see Doug and asked that I go to the conference room and let him know that he would be delayed. I was quite excited about this because I had just directed Doug to said conference room. So, I went to deliver the message. I informed Doug and we both did some flirting back and forth and I went back to perform my work for the day. That evening when my new boyfriend came over to visit me at my parents’ house I told him that if this fellow Doug gets the job I would like to go out with him. I’m a very honest person. I knew very little about Doug at that time except that I felt such a strong connection to him. I was even having my tonsils out around the time he would be starting, if he got the job, and I upped the date to ensure I was there from the first day he started. Unfortunately, I was an extra week off due to complications. When I saw him again at work he said it was great to see me again, I responded “have we met before”…the game was on. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend. We flirted all summer. My boss, who kinda had a crush on me, had a screen put up around me so that Doug who sat beside me couldn’t have as much access to me as we both would have liked. Our first date was Aug. 19, 1976 and we’ve been together since then…more about that later.
I’m trying to let you know the real us to see how this cancer journey has such an ability to try to fragment you. There are times when as a caregiver you feel so alone … that person who you love so much is so immersed in their battle there is little room for you. I think we are able to work together well on our journey because we have a good solid base. Marriage is never 50-50…as you all know. Sometimes it is 60-40, etc.
Doug just had the worst weekend ever, pain-wise. He rarely complains, and if he does, he apologizes…I give him heck for that because I know he wouldn’t want me to apologize for how I feel. I don’t even see it as complaining, it is simply making a statement about how he feels and he is entitled.
We went to one of his many doctors on Monday and Doug has decided to go off of the hormone medicine for now to see if he feels better if it is out of his system. The worry of course is that the cancer will have a chance to grow. Right now the meds are giving him no quality of life…he has so much pain everywhere from them and is so fatigued. I feel it is his decision to make and will always stand behind him. Of course, another part of me is terrified and can see all these little cancer troops manning up and getting ready to strike but I know he has to make the decision for himself…I love him so much and hate to see him in such pain but I’ve always believed that he is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met and he makes good decisions…after all he married me didn’t he? lol.
He still continues to do an amazing job at work and only a handful of people there know what he is struggling through. He really wants his bucket list to be one that is full of things that he has done for the cancer community at large and I’m so proud of him for that.
I really try to live each day with Doug with as much joy as we can share. Thanks for listening to me once more. I will write again.
Posted by Dianne
4 Comments »
Rebecca Jones on 06 Mar 2009 at 11:44 pm #
Your writing is wonderful – informative, sincere, uplifting & conveys the many emotions you & Doug deal with & manage daily – hourly! Your willingness to share with others who face cancer & other diseases is selfless. Blessings to you both.
Sue Jones on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:12 am #
Dianne & Doug: Dianne, you’re my first contact. Doug, I know you through Dianne. Sean’s “baby bed” was Mark’s for a little while when he graduated from high-platform to low-platform! The connection is strong, and, sitting at this distance, quite overwhelming at this particular moment. I’m on the low end of the learning curve as far as cancer is concerned, and I am in awe of the strength you give to – and draw from – one another. ‘May your strength increase”
Dianne on 14 May 2009 at 4:13 pm #
Dear Rebecca and Sue: I thank you both for your kind words. I love that you both wrote on this site and hope that you continue to both read and write as often as you can. We’ve been going through a rough time lately and I haven’t blogged for quite sometime but with encouraging responses such as both of yours it makes me feel that what I say is worthwhile. Your thoughts and prayers are heartfelt…love, Dianne and Doug.
Susan G on 30 Jul 2009 at 7:02 pm #
Dear Dianne
I am so proud of both you and Doug I have been reading the posts to keep up to date… I know you are both so busy with this project and time becomes so very precious… but I would like to let you know how often you two are in my thoughts … we stumble over our words … they are never quite adequate … and you have made the perfect statement yes I hate Cancer too. It has torn apart my family and ravaged all of those I loved so dearly. It must be very difficult for You and Doug to be so candid I can only say how very well you do it
My best regards
Sue (Turner)