talkingaboutcancer.com

My brother-in-law (who is more aptly described as my friend) has cancer that has recurred and metastasized. It has spread to his bones and he is in a great deal of pain.  We don’t know how long he will live – years – months? 

He is dealing with his situation exactly the way that I would expect of him.  Doug is highly intelligent and has an admirable sense of responsibility to his family.  He is, as always, taking a lot on his shoulders and he is using his skills to organize and create a future for his wife and children when he’s gone. 

Doug’s recurrence hit me like a blow to my core and raises all my worries about the possibility of a recurrence of my cancer.  When my treatment ended I fretted about recurrence non-stop then at some point I minimized it and went on with dealing with life.  The little voice inside me is quieter now, but the whispers become louder when I go to the doctor and on treatment anniversary dates. 

I feel both selfish and foolish that I worry about my recurrence when Doug is forced to deal with its reality every single day.   I worry a lot about my sister-in-law and how she is coping.  She finds it difficult to share her feelings with others.  Her best skill is empathy.  I also feel helpless about what I can do to make things better for them. 

What saddens me most about this situation is that Doug’s days are full of work demands, making money, looking for ways to leave a legacy, getting treatment and coping with the side effects of treatment. 

This is not what I want for Doug.  I guess that I assumed that if we knew our life was shortened by disease, we could be able to stop the merry-go-round and do all the things we wanted to do when we had the time.  Cross off things in our bucket list, I guess.  I’m hoping that Doug will be able to do that at some point in the future. 

As we approach the holiday season we need to pause and take time to give thanks for what we have today. 

Posted by Ruth