Being Honest
Aug 30th 2008PostmasterCommunication & Friends & Family
My dear wife and I were talking about this recently, in the context of my previous post. I have a tendency, when people ask how I am, to say, “I’m fine,” even when I’m not. It’s a natural response and one that becomes almost automatic. Think about it….. when you meet someone on the street and say, “Hi. How are you?”, you’d be taken aback if they said, “Actually, I’ve been pretty crappy,” and then proceeded to describe their illness or misfortune or whatever. So we generally just go with the automatic, unconscious response. That’s what I do, and I find myself doing that even with good friends and family.
The fact is, I haven’t been fine. Bad test results and aggressive treatments have taken their toll on me, both physically and emotionally. I want my friends and family to ask after me because it shows that they care and that I have their support. So why to I say I’m fine when they ask. It’s that automatic thing. Or maybe I don’t want to burden them. Or bore them. Or bring them down. Or maybe all of that. But, as my wife pointed out, I can’t expect my loved ones to understand what I’m going through or to show their concern and compassion, if I tell them I’m fine. Maybe they will think that I’m not that badly off. Maybe they’ll wonder if I’ve been over exaggerating in the past. Maybe they’ll think that I am fine now and that they don’t have to worry any more. And, if they do that, I will likely wonder later why they don’t seem concerned anymore. How can I expect them to support me when I’m not truthful?
The message here is that it is very important to be honest and open with your friends and family. While you can tell your casual acquaintances that you’re fine, don’t minimize to those who love you. When they ask you how you are doing, they really want to know. And even if they are uncomfortable hearing the truth, they need to know. You need them to know.
Open communication is so important when you are facing a crisis such as a cancer diagnosis. It is a horrible disease that most of us are not familiar with and, unless you have experienced it yourself, you don’t know what to expect. If a close friend of mine is not well, I want to know about it. Only then can I be in a position to offer my concern and my help. So if I’m not well, I should let my loved ones know. They want to know, I want to know and, in fact, I need to know.
Thank you for caring.
Posted by Doug
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