Prodigal Sons
Aug 3rd 2008PostmasterFamily
My son left home around the time I was first diagnosed with cancer over five years ago. He was more than ready to move out at that time and has since done quite well on his own, traveling across the country and generally enjoying life. Like all prodigal children, we never hear from him enough, although he does keep in touch to let us know how he is doing and to check on the rest of the family.
Even with family members, it is hard to know how they cope with the knowledge of a cancer diagnosis for a loved one. People don’t know what to say and, while they fear for you, they carry hope which is is often difficult to express. Sometimes, the inability to talk about “it” compounds the situation because they don’t get to really understand what is happening.
My son is like that. My cancer has been as much a burden on him as it has for the rest of my family. But distance and discomfort have kept us from really talking about it. I understand this and I accept it as part of the baggage that comes with cancer. I know he cares and that is what is important.
Imagine my surprise when he showed up unannounced at my door! He flew in from out west on a ticket that his friends had purchased for him, knowing how much he wanted to be with me to show his support. It was the perfect week to visit, as I had several tests scheduled (a bone scan and MRI) and he was keen to accompany me even though it meant getting up way too early and sitting around by himself for several hours.
All of this meant the world to me. I have never doubted his love or his caring. My daughter (who lives nearby) has accompanied me many times and even joined us at the hospital this week, but my son has been unable to because he lives thousands of miles away. Both of them have now had a taste of what it is like for me as I go from test to test and hospital to hospital. A small taste, but at least something that provides an indication of what I am going through.
The lesson in this is to never discount your family or your close friends just because they don’t express their feelings to you. Coping with cancer is difficult, but so is coping with a loved one’s diagnosis. Know in your heart that they care and that they think of you often. Know that they are just as angry about it as you are. And know that they will always be there for you.
What a wonderful gift this is!
Posted by Doug
2 Comments »
Dianne on 03 Aug 2008 at 6:11 pm #
When Doug was first diagnosed with cancer our son Sean could not deal with it and left home. Sean was ready to move on but I think he couldn’t bear the thought of his Dad being ill. We didn’t hear from Sean a lot during that time…I think he felt if he didn’t know everything that was going on, then maybe life was as it usedto be. It made us all very sad. We already felt such a great loss … the loss of health and the idea of immortality. Our family was in a war with cancer and needed all its soldiers to stand steady and we were missing one. It has been over 6 years since Doug’s first diagnosis and almost 1 year since his recurrence and finally he has another soldier to aid him in his fight. Sean came home and surprised his Dad and our family and was at his Dad’s side through more testing this week. They spent several days and many hours together. Even though Sean still doesn’t really want to believe this is happening to our family he had many conversations with his Dad during this time that brought them both closer to each other. I don’t know when I last saw Doug so happy. Sean’s sister Caralia has been a great warrior through this and was also at Doug’s side this week as she always has been in the past. We have children, care for and love them and let their wings grow so they can fly through this world safely. They are a gift to us. When they grow to adulthood and and want to fly our way to then care for us in our time of need then we have been given another gift…their love. Our job as parents is often difficult but when our kids show us love it makes it all worth while. Thank you Sean and Caralia. Love Mom
Baldylocks on 04 Aug 2008 at 1:38 pm #
That is so sweet that your son swooped in to see you. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for our children.