Holding On
Apr 21st 2008PostmasterCoping & Fear & Recurrence
Today I gave blood. Not for any altruistic reasons (I don’t think they would accept my blood any more) but in preparation for my 3 month, post-radiation PSA check. It’s been quite a wait and next week I get the results. If my PSA is unchanged or higher than before my treatments, then I guess they didn’t work and I went through it all for nothing. If it’s back to “undetectable” then the treatment worked and I could be cured or their still could be microscopic cancer cells elsewhere in my body that could flare up later. I won’t know until they do or don’t.
I have been coping with the wait by working hard…..keeping busy, knowing that my subconscious mind was chewing on the “what if’s”. It’s been okay, really. Most of the shock of recurrence and the fear of the possibilities assaulted my peace and self-confidence when I was re-diagnosed. I haven’t really accepted it, but I have learned to live with it (I think). I’ll know better how I have really handled it after my appointment next week. But after doing all that I could to learn my options and take action, there really isn’t anything else I can do. It becomes all about coping and adapting…. learning to live with cancer. At times I feel it has made me stronger and at times I wonder if I am strong enough.
Wish me luck.
Posted by Doug
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