Why Me?
Jan 26th 2008PostmasterIn Treatment & Recurrence
I’m just about finished my “salvage” radiation treatment for a recurrence of prostate cancer, 5 years after my initial diagnosis and treatment for surgery. I’ve had 32 treatments and I’m getting really, really tired of the whole thing. I lay on the table watching the machine go around me and hear if firing off 60 times from different angles and I wonder, “What the hell am I doing here?” And I have to confess that I keep asking, “Why me?” I’ve asked myself that many times over these past 5 years but it seems less fair this time around. It was bad enough to get cancer, but to have it come back and possibly stay is worse.
I think asking, “Why me?” is normal and I know there is really no answer to that question, but it’s there. What makes it worse is that I have to deal with all the emotional stuff while I’m experiencing significant fatigue and all sorts of bowel and bladder problems from the treatments. Sometimes I feel like crying because it all seems too much, especially when I’m trying to concentrate on doing something else.
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
But who ever said that life is fair?
Posted by Doug
3 Comments »
Miss M on 28 Jan 2008 at 10:46 pm #
Hey Doug,
You have every right to feel the way you do. With all you’ve been through it’s amazing to me that you’ve been so positive this whole time. I want you to know that although I’m not going through all that you are having to deal with, I do understand the feeling that accompany long bouts of treatment with tough side effects.
I hope you know that you are an inspiration to the people that read your blog. You always offer real sentiment and help to those of us who are dealing with a diagnosis. I’m glad you’re here and I wish there was something I could do to help you get better. But if you need to talk or if you need anythign at all, please let me know. It’d be an honor to be able to offer something. Would you consider letting me send you a cheesy book on the power of thinking positive? You know where to find me, if so.
You’re in my thoughts and I’m sending all kinds of crazy good vibes your way.
-MM
One Mother with Cancer on 30 Jan 2008 at 2:45 pm #
I know things have been rough, but I hope things start going better for you. You’re in my thoughts, wishing you good health.
Miss Melanoma on 03 Feb 2008 at 5:23 pm #
Just checking in on you. I’m sending all kinds of good positive vibes your way.
-MM