It’s Back!
Nov 6th 2007PostmasterRecurrence
After 5 years of undetectable PSA readings after my Prostate Cancer surgery, my annual blood test showed that it’s back. I was supposed to have really good odds of being cured, but I guess I fell into that small percentage. Now I’m looking at other, different treatments like salvage radiation therapy (what a name!) and hormone therapy. What I don’t know is whether these treatments will be able to get it once and for all or just slow down the inevitable. Life suddenly isn’t looking as long as it once was.
How do you handle something like this? My first diagnosis 5 years ago was hard enough, but at least I did something and thought it worked. This is something different. I’m not going to die tomorrow but, instead of living as a cancer survivor – wounded but back on top – I’m now going to be living with cancer and treatments and doctors and side effects. It just seems so big. It’s always on my mind. I thought that I would be able to handle it better this time around, but it’s damn tough. I have good days but I have some really nasty days. I’m going to attack this thing aggressively and that feels good but even though I am doing something, it only helps a little.
I have hope and I have a loving wife to shore me up. She tells me it’s okay to cry.
Posted by Doug
2 Comments »
David on 08 Nov 2007 at 1:13 pm #
Hang in there Doug.
Em on 19 Nov 2007 at 5:42 am #
Having had breast cancer mets diagnosed in September after 2 years since original diagnosis I thought that I would be able to deal with it better this time. I was wrong – I think I’ve found it worse because I feel much less hope for the future this time around. Last time when they told me I was pretty stoic about it – sure I cried a hell of lot over the treatment period and after but this time I literally collapsed to my knees and wailed for over an hour. It’s horrid, I hate it and I’m fighting all the time not to let my head think about all the implications.
At the time, my oncologist said to me ‘Let me fight the cancer, that’s *my* job.’ and I’ve actually found that really helpful to remember when things start to overwhelm me. My job is just to get through each day as best I can – whatever it takes, good day or bad. The other ‘job’ I farm out is hope. The oncology counsellor at my hospital said to me on another occasion – ‘I’ll be hopeful for you – I know that you can’t see hope, you can’t feel it – but I can be hopeful for you’. And that’s a relief. I don’t have to do it all myself – because lots of days don’t feel very hopeful to me.
So, for a moment – let me be hopeful for you – that your treatments are successful and give you lots more time.
And keep up with the crying – i find it offloads lots of the physical tension!