Don’t Face This Alone
Sep 2nd 2007PostmasterFriends & Family & Diagnosis
When you are first diagnosed, it is extremely important to bring someone with you when attending appointments and clinic visits. You will receive a lot of information in these sessions and at times it may be overwhelming. Having someone with you can be very helpful… two heads are better than one! Have your partner/friend/loved one take notes for you so that you can be free to take in as much information as possible without worrying about documenting it at the same time. You will find having someone with you to be very emotionally supportive, in addition to the benefit of having someone to talk with during those never-ending wait times for appointments and tests. Moreover, in the process of information gathering, teamwork is very helpful. First, you and your partner can usually gather more information than either one alone. Second, you may want to divide your information-gathering activities in accordance with abilities and interests. Third, you are going to find that some of the information you receive will be very anxiety-provoking. Facing it together, in a mutually supportive way, will help you enormously to sustain a degree of calm and clarity.Who did you bring with you? Did it help? Or did you have to go it alone? I hope not. Tell us your story.
Let’s talk.
Posted by Andrew
4 Comments »
Russ McGowan on 08 Sep 2007 at 8:50 pm #
Hi Andrew. Thank you for your involvement in this site. Though we have never met, many people who have been diagnosed with cancer have met you, and I know that you have made a huge difference in helping people through the emotional journey that is a part of a cancer diagnosis.
As a person who has had a good friend and a close family member diagnosed with cancer, I have often felt that I would have liked to have been a greater support resource to these people than I must have been. Frankly, my ignorance in how to support a person who have been diagnosed, and later, is being treated for cancer, is astounding.
Therefore I ask that in your future writings in this site, please consider providing some info to us fortunate (for not having had to face cancer ourselves) but ignorant folks, as to how we can be a meaningful support resource for family and friends who need all the support they can get at a crucial time in their lives.
I hope you realize how important you are to so many people, and that you continue your great work in the service of those diagnosed with cancer.
Russ McGowan
September 2007
Dianne on 22 Sep 2007 at 4:32 pm #
In the fall of 1999 my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were never really close friends until this happened. I wanted to help in some way, so when I found out that she was going to go to her chemo treatments alone, I volunteered to drive her to them. She later said that the times we were together for the treatments were special to her because of all the laughter and talks we shared.
She is an amazing woman. I am happy to say that she has been cancer free for 7 years now. We ended up sharing many hours together awaiting her treatments. I feel it is helpful to the cancer patient to have someone with them, if possible, during these long hours of waiting and treatment, someone to talk to…it makes the time pass a little quicker. My sister-in-law said the only time during treatment that she really felt unwell was the one time I was unable to go with her to the hospital.
Laura on 04 Oct 2007 at 9:48 am #
I lost a friend to cancer in 2005 and I just didn’t “get it”…I truly couldn’t understand how someone who had felt the lump and gone to the doctor could be overlooked and albeit ignored for treatment until it was too late. Today, I understand a bit more, but regrettably am angry about the misdiagnoses. Having walked in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer two times (it’ll be 3 in 2008), I have heard a lot of stories from family, friends and (thank heavens) survivors of cancer and I know it can be beaten. Their recounts of their fight has caused a resurgence in my need to do what I can.
Right now I have two friends fighting the disease, but unlike the ‘friend’ posts here, one of my friends is fighting it alone by choice. Despite my offers of support, it’s to the point where we don’t even talk about it at all. It has, and I guess I’m sounding selfish here, made it hard for me to come to grips with it because I am so unsure. Where I am usually strong willed and a fighter, I don’t know how to be optimistic when I don’t know what’s going on. I have resolved to sit back and be bright and cheery, like I always am, and await the time when the comfort level is there for them to initiate the conversation with me.
I like this site…it’s a relief to me and a comfort knowing that all of our sisters and brothers are not alone in their fight and I feel immense respect for anyone fighting and supporting the fight of this disease. Thanks again.
Fran on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:23 pm #
Dear Friends,
I want to thank you all for making comments on this subject, one that is so near and dear to my being, because I am fighting Breast Cancer alone. This is not by my choice, but because after my mastectomy the friends I thought were so true disappeared, one by one, and they will never know how hurt I have felt by their (in)actions. I have often wondered if it was something I said or did wrong, but I have since learned that those who have never been touched by this disease of CANCER, just do not understand that when the surgery is over, the disease lingers in so many ways. One of the most difficult parts is the loneliness and fear we feel, and the hurt that comes when those we think care about us the most desert us.
I was especially impressed with Laura’ comments on how she did not understand how someone could be overlooked so blatently, while suffering the effects of this illness. I, too, have been pushed aside by the medical community, just after surgery was performed, and with so many complications to deal with I have been very frightened that I would become a sad statistic — one of those who have been misdiagnosed and misunderstood. I was disgnosed with Breast Cancer a little less than two years ago, and have only recently found that my medical records are incorrect, to the point that I hardly recognize the person that is spoken of in these documents. I find that my cancer is of a more aggressive nature than I was told, and the original oncologist even said in his reports that I had “REFUSED” (!!!!) chemo and radiation, because “I was afraid”. Yes, I was afraid, but not of treatment, but of the illness itself, and am now fighting to get these statements corrected in my medical records.
If I had one piece of “advice” to someone undergoing the initial phases, it would be to NEVER go to an appointment alone, not only for the support you receive when your fears are shared, but for the importance of another’s eyes and ears — someone who is not as emotionally invested as those of us who are living it. There is so much truth to the conception that no two people hear the same thing the same way, and another’s input could possibly save your life. How I wish there had been someone with me to hear what was NOT being said in the examination room, when it was only me and the physician. Another
person can help to confront, when we are too upset or devastated to know what to ask.
I am grateful for this site, for the honesty I am reading and finding more and more each time I open the pages. Thank you all for having the courage to open your hearts, and be truthful about what we are sadly faced with.
Fran