Dependence
Jan 26th 2010PostmasterCoping & Family
I consider myself to be a lucky man in many ways. Although this may seem strange coming from someone with cancer, I’m sure you can appreciate how important it is to look at the whole of your life, to see the good that has come your way in spite of the disease. When I look back on my life, I see times that I’d rather forget but, for the most part, I see lots of good times and many blessings that have come my way. These are the things we all need to focus on.
One of the best things that ever happened to me was meeting my dear wife, Dianne. I’ve written about her many times before, but there are never enough words to truly express what a wonderful person she is and how much she means to me. As we face the greatest challenge of our life together, the relationship we have has grown ever stronger. But its complicated. I love her so much, and rely on her love and support so much, that I have become completely dependent upon her. I rely completely on the fact that she is always there for me and that, no matter what happens to me, she will always be there to love me and support me. I consider myself to be a very strong person overall, but I don’t mind admitting that a single cross look or disapproving glance turns me to mush. It makes it tough sometimes to have a rationale conversation about important things, or even to disagree on something. Believe me, there are lots of difficult decisions to make and sometimes even simple ones that require some objectivity. But its hard for me to be objective because I don’t ever want to disagree or do anything to make her think less of me. Its probably not very healthy, but that’s the way it is. I’m just a big baby after all.
Sometime in February, I will be interviewed for a 7-part series on PMH hosted by Andy Barrie of CBC radio. This is a wonderful opportunity and I’m always glad to help out. In doing a little research of my own, I came across the fact that Andy’s wife Mary passed away from cancer just last year. Married for some 40 years, she died with Andy and their daughter at her side. I can’t begin to tell you how sad that made me feel when I read about it, but I also smiled at realizing how lucky she was to have the support of someone like Andy with her. This says it all.
I’m writing this to emphasize how important it is to have someone you love beside you when dealing with a disease like cancer. It’s not something you should ever take for granted. Not everyone has this precious gift, but I have my Dianne.
For better or for worse I know she will always be by my side.
You can’t get much luckier than that.
Posted by Doug
3 Comments »
Dianne on 29 Jan 2010 at 12:34 am #
You really know how to make a girl cry. As I look back at my life, I feel I really started to live when I met you and we fell in love. I never really knew what it meant to be loved by someone so totally, even with all my faults (and I have a couple). You are everything to me and have made me so proud of you in so many ways over the years. You have always been there for me, in the good times and in the tough times and I thank you for that. We seem to get stronger and stronger as a couple as the years pass and we deal with all of our challenges together, for better or worse. When I need encouragement, you are there. When I need to talk, you are always there. When I am sick, just having you with me makes me feel better. You have always looked after me and our kids with love, kindness and patience. When we are in a room full of people I know I can look to you and you will be looking to me. You make me feel safe. I love to make you laugh cuz you have a really cute expression when I say something that you really think is funny. You are the kindest, most thoughtful, helpful man I have ever known. I am proud to be your wife. It makes me sad that we are going through such a painful time in our life right now. I’m mad at the cancer for what it is taking from us and sad to see you suffer the way you do, in your quiet, strong way. You have always been there for me and I will always be there for you…you know that. I’ll be there through the toughest of tough times that we are going to be experiencing and I will make sure you are always going to be loved, touched, and held. I’ll be there always and forever…because I love you.
The minutes in the days and the days and weeks and months pass by far too quickly now and I know I am aware of this more now because I will someday not have you to share my life with…and that is my worst fear…unimaginable really. All our married life we have shared the good and the bad and I never regret a moment of any of it. I’ve always depended on you and you’ve always delivered. I know you were there because you wanted to be. I am here now and forever with you, for you because I love you. Sometimes I feel so sad about what is happening to us that I just want to cry and cry. I know that wouldn’t help either of us, so I really try to hold on to a moment we’ve shared every day, to remember forever. What more can I say but I love you.
Gayla on 29 Jan 2010 at 1:59 am #
LOVE STORY
I have had the rare opportunity to witness a true love story between Doug & Dianne. This love has played itself out in the typical ways that relationships do—-through passion, love, sadness, anger, and character differences. Our deep friendship has exposed me to and included me in on all of these emotions. I have watched them navigate each other within their love and at a time when they had figured most of it out, they have been jolted onto a new course to navigate, the cancer course. It is a difficult, sad, frustrating and unfair course but it must be addressed and Doug & Dianne are successfully addressing it together. Yes, this is love, but even greater is the admiration and dedication that these two individuals have for one another. These two qualities will always overcome any struggle or deficits that Doug or Dianne may encounter as they come to terms with dealing with the impact of this disease on themselves or their relationship. I am honoured that the universe brought you into my life. You guys ROCK!!!!!!!!
Russ on 29 Jan 2010 at 3:52 pm #
You really know how to make a guy cry too! It is an inspiration to us all that through all of what is going on in Doug & Dianne’s lives, including the omnipresence of the cancer, that what shines like a beacon through it all is the mutual love and respect and support that Doug & Dianne have for each other. What a powerful and real example that love truely does conquer all.
Now where are the Kleenex . . .